Married Singles
No one said marriage was going to be a walk in the park, actually the Bible continually tell us how to get through those difficult moments. You might be one of those people who feels like other marriages are “goals” and you wish you had what they had, but it’s not what they have that you should pay attention to. What you should be looking and asking is “How”. How do they make it work. Songs of Songs 5:16 tells us exactly what we need in our marriage. Take a guess…no seriously take a moment to think what a marriage needs. Don’t overthink it, it’s as simple as it gets. Okay ready? “His mouth is sweetness itself, he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this is my friend.” God created marriage around two elements. Intimate love & friendship. That’s it, nothing else nothing more. You may disagree but let’s dive into this, having intimacy you have intimacy with God and you delight in the gift of sex between marriage. With friendship you value each others opinions, you seek comfort from one another. With both of these you have everything else…trust, respect, happiness, laughter, comfort, communication, arousal, and sexual fulfillment.
We know God should always be the foundation to our marriage and if we read and understand the Bible clearly we know God dwells within all that we do, that includes intimacy. I know it’s like talking voodoo when it comes to some Christians about sex. Some believe it’s meant for reproduction purposes only , or just special occasions. Some men believe it’s only a pleasure for them to delight in , but if I’m being honest a part of being Christian is being sexual with our spouse. It’s learning and loving to please their bodies. When we learn to stop viewing sex as a “dirty thing” we can see it for what it truly is intimacy between spouses, closeness that no one else gets to be a part of, it’s deepening a bond with each other and our connection with God. Did I lose some of you? Don’t be offended when you see a married couple be affectionate in public, that kind of passion comes from a deep connection and understanding that God dwells within each others bodies. If you are wondering if sex between a marriage could ever get dirty when trying new things and that answer is NO. God never wants sex to become boring or a chore, he wants you to delight in it, to get excited to try new fantasies. Some affairs start because lack of intimacy and sexual fulfillment. There is nothing “dirty” about dressing up for your spouse and roll playing, there is nothing dirty in trying new positions and flirting with each other as you discover what you like. If you want to stay married my advise is have sex, and lots of it. Don’t forget to be playful this is your friend also.
Friendship, this is something a lot of couples lack. Yes, I know you think well I like my spouse, I obviously married them. But do you look to each other for laughter, happiness, companionship? Do you think of them first when you need a friend? Do you turn to each other for opinions? Married singles, sounds silly but there are many marriages like this. You are married, you have children together, you have a home together, a bank account together, but you do not have a life together. You’ve become roommates more than lovers. Things may have gotten stale or difficult and now it seems like more work to get it back so you just “keep doing you”, and them the same. Having friendship creates moments, moments you don’t want to end. It’s having secrects within each other then from each other. We never want to hurt our friends intentionally so having friendship let’s you both understand each other that through the hard times you are never attacking one another. We believe our friends are sorry when they apologize but lack of friendship in marriage we just see it as “another empty apology”. Friendship brings freshness to a marriage, having fun together it important otherwise one of you or both of you end up running opposite directions. God created a spouse for you to be happy with, God designed your spouse to match your expectation of fun, God made your spouses arms to comfort you, and becoming one comes with wisdom. For some this is easier said than done and that’s okay, start small. Start with dates at home after the kids fall asleep, start with having sex one more day in the week than you usually do, try a new sex position and location. Find a hobby together or a show to binge watch. It’s the little things in friendships that make them strong so incorporate them to your friendship with your spouse.
PRAYER FOR CHANGE
God help me to unlearn all I know. Whatever I believed a marriage should be wipe it away because my version isn’t working. Help us to come together and desire each other. We need more intimacy and friendship. Let us think of each other first before anyone else when we need comfort and when we seek it have it come with intimacy that deepens our bond every time. Let sex be more than just that moment, let it overfill us so much that we can’t keep our hands off of each other. When I want joy added to my day let me seek my spouse for laughter and friendship.
“Spouses are a best friend and a lover all wrapped up in one.”
REJOICE IN THE WIFE OF YOUR YOUTH, A LOVELY DEER, A GRACEFUL DOE. LET HER BREASTS FILL YOU AT ALL TIMES WITH DELIGHT; BE INTOXICATED ALWAYS IN HER LOVE.
PROVERBS 5:18-19
DO NOT DEPRIVE ONE ANOTHER, EXCEPT PERHAPS BY AGREEMENT FOR A LIMITED TIME, THAT YOU MAY DEVOTE YOURSELVES TO PRAYER; BUT THEN COME TOGETHER AGAIN, SO THAT SATAN MAY NOT TEMPT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LACK OF SELF-CONTROL.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:5
TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A GOOD RETURN FOR THEIR LABOR. FOR IF EITHER OF THEM FALLS, THE ONE WILL LIFT UP HIS COMPANION. BUT WOE TO THE ONE WHO FALLS WHEN THERE IS NOT ANOTHER TO LIFT HIM UP."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 17:17
A little worship never hurt
For this one, there’s no song I can share with you to move you. Instead I challenge you to replay a song that you and your spouse shared together. Whether that is the song you danced together at your wedding or first date. Any song you had a moment together, or keep it new and find a song together that you feel connects you. Music is powerful and can create deep rooted moments.